When the village becomes a city

I’m officially overwhelmed.

In my attempt to immerse myself into a community of writers – to unearth passion; to read the works of great artists; to be inspired; to build friendships – I find myself now buried under profiles, blog posts, groups, links, shares, friend requests, and status updates. I’m suffering from information overload!

There are SO many great writers out there. I just want to learn from them, read their loves, their passions, their hurts, and soak in their carefully crafted words with the hope that I, too, could one day write as beautifully. That I, too, could convict, inspire, and awe all in once sentence. So instead of doing, I’m seeking. Why? Because I lack the confidence to call myself a writer. A real writer.

So I look for people who are like me. And lo and behold, I’ve met a handful of people who are just like me! Moms with kids who demand attention every moment of the day. Women who are just starting out and exploring the world of writing. People who make me laugh with their Facebook statuses because we enjoy the same shows, movies, and obviously have the same sense of humor. Writers who get where I’m at. They’re not famously handed book contracts on the spot, they’re working to find time in their schedules to follow their callings. To create. To inspire. To heal themselves and heal others. To bring people together. They get me. Some of them may not know it yet (because part of me is worried that it borderlines on stalkyness), but they are my people.

But the more I look, the more I find. I have friended so many people on Facebook and Instagram over the past two months that I can’t even recall who is who, and where I know that person from. Are they from a writer’s group? Which writer’s group? Are they from The Village or from the Looking for Lovely book launch team? Do down to earth, but still famous authors like Annie Downs and Emily Freeman count as friends or colleagues? Or is that weird for them?

I can tell you right now I’m completely lost in this city of writers. It has become more than a Village. And this introvert is ready to crawl back in her shell. Why? Because because it’s intimidating out there. There are so many great writers and my insecurity is telling me that I’ll never be like them. I am like most Americans right now. I know it’s wrong, but I find a (false) sense of security in the numbers. The number of likes. The number of comments. The number of views. The number of shares. I know I need to stop comparing myself to others. I know that never leads to true happiness.

But I can’t help it.

Part of me wants to insert a biblical quote here. I want to refer to the bible because I know I draw my strength from there. But in order to do that, I have to actually look it up. I’m not one of those people who can recite bible verses off the top of my head. I can’t pull the “just right” verse out of my pocket like I know some others can. But what I do know is that God has called me to be a writer, and instead of seeking advice and inspiration (and affirmation) from others out there in the world, I really should be seeking it from HIM.

So you know what? I’m ready to change this.

Guess what. I AM A WRITER.

There. I said it, and I’m ready to get to the hard work that comes with developing my craft. I may not be as good as others, but with His blessing I will be one day. And instead of worrying if I’m measuring up to the city, I will find a nice quiet spot and build a bench, as Emily Freeman suggests in her book Simply Tuesday. From my nice quiet spot, I’ll invite others to sit and enjoy what’s going on in the world around me and talk about what’s going on with them. But I’ll need to step away from the city of Facebook and Instagram. Not forever. I’ll need to occasionally get some advice, have coffee and connect with friends, and maybe put up some posters. But my life will not revolve around the hustle and bustle. My writer’s mind cannot handle that.

It’s time to take a step back and let go of all the expectations and to just be. Be with my people. Be with my tribe.

And write.

This next adventure has just begun.