Pushing Pause on Mom Life

About eleven and a half years ago, I started a brand new job in life. And with this new job cames a whole lot of …stuff.  Laundry. Cooking. Cleaning. Mentoring. Negotiating. Nurse. Financier. Grocery shopper. Clothes regulator. And the list goes on and on…and on. That’s right. I’m a mom.

Today, I’m looking at a house that looks like the a hurricane blew through, (scratch that, make it 3 hurricanes). The kitchen counter and sink are full of dishes but that’s just the start. My 360 degree view consists of a basket avocados that are one day past their prime (aka black, moldy, and rotten), a pile of laundry that needs to be folded, and toys, drawings, crayons, school papers, crafts, books, and anything else the kids touched in the last week or two. On the couch are three indistinguishable lumps, which if you look really closely seem to be moving ever so slightly in a breathing-like rhythm, succumbed by the lull of the weekend TV and Netflix.

I must admit, part of me is stressing out just looking at all that needs to get done. The other part is going through self doubt wondering what kind of mother I am to let her kids watch television WAY over the recommended 1 hour daily limit – more like 3 hours – and not taking them to the park or the beach on this fine day. There are so many things to get started on, and I’m trying to figure out whether I’m going to tackle the house or tackle the kids. But you know the worse part?

I feel like doing absolutely NOTHING today.

Procrastination? Overload? Not knowing where to start? All of the above?

Yes.

I know I have a lot to do today, and I feel guilty for saying this, but what is needed is a break. A break from this mom life, and some time to focus on ME. Yes, you heard that right. I need to focus on me – the woman behind the mom, wife, daughter, and friend.

But how in the world is that possible? Any mom can tell you that if you’re not dealing with kids, you’re thinking of how you’re dealing with your kids. It’s a 24/7 life-consuming job. And, friends, I’m not quite sure I have the right answers. So, as I stand in my mess, and I think what any logical 2016 mom would to figure this out: I check out what everyone else is doing via FB and IG.

Perhaps, I thought, I could escape vicariously through someone else for a second because any realistic escape from this life would probably end up with a visit from CPS. But as you can guess, scrolling through social media only makes the trapped feel more trapped and the lonely feel lonelier. And for us moms, it creates this distorted world that we can’t possibly live up to as we take the best of everyone else’s lives and compare them to our own. It leads us to believe that if we are not doing those things, we’re not living life. If we’re not doing those things, our kids will never look that happy. If we’re not doing those things, we’re a bad parent, spouse, child, and friend.

But friends, you have to believe that those things are not true. (Even Newsweek apparently wrote an article about it – which no mom has time to read just yet. #momissues)

We are not what we do or what we have. We are loved for who we are. And right now, a huge part of me is a mom, but I’ve been so focused on the administrative tasks of parenthood, that I often forget that the number one detail in my job description is to LOVE my kids.

And as I sit there, looking at the three of them sprawled out on the couch, enjoying the freedom from schedules and assignments and responsibilities, the woman inside of me whispered that I could have that same freedom…and still be a mom.

It’s okay to leave that basket of laundry unfolded for a bit. It’s okay to have papers and crayons left out for right now. There is this messy but beautiful display (albeit on the floor) that comes with a child-like creativity. It’s okay to not have everything all neat and perfect. It’s okay to want to rest. It’s okay for us to veg out in front of the TV and watch the Minion movie for the billionth time.

And as my little one crawls up into my lap, snuggling into me as she laughs at her favorite parts, THIS is living. You see, instead of focusing on HAVING to do the mom things – like cooking, cleaning, folding, nursing, etc. – close your eyes and breathe. Focusing on the mom job makes us lose sight of what God really wants. He delights in seeing us just being still, enjoying the moments of nothingness, and living in the presence of each other. And even though deep down we know that the mom life never really stops, once in a while we can simply push pause.