A new year. Gosh, many of us can’t wait for the new year to begin. We are definitely ready for a fresh start after the year of 2020. And while I’m certainly feeling the same feels as many of you, I find myself looking forward to 2021 with cautious optimism. Sure, it might be skepticism after 2020 threw us for a total loop, but how many of you are a little hesitant about blurting out, “It couldn’t possibly be any worse than this year was.” Yeah. Don’t say that.
But as I muddle my way through the last days of this infamous year, it seems right to look forward to setting and accomplishing goals for this new year. And as the kids are picking up the shredded wrapping paper, building their coveted new Lego sets, and deciphering the secret language of board game rules, it seems right for me to get back to my writing roots.
In this season of building greater connections, I’d like to invite YOU on my own personal journey of healing and self-discovery. As I walk into 2021, I walk with intention of building closer connections with Jesus and to understand and accept how He feels about me and who He has created me to be.
You see, as I began reflecting on this year and setting some personal goals for the new year, the usual came up: eat better, workout more, read, sleep, try new things. …Basically become a better version of myself. Every year, I’ve strived to do better than the year before, and of course nothing is wrong with that, except I’m not addressing the heart behind it. The truth is, I’m disappointed in myself and don’t believe I’ve done enough to be enough. But the REAL truth is, God loves me just as I am in the wholeness of this year, and I couldn’t have done any more or less to change His love and acceptance of me. My challenge, it seems, is aligning my truth with God’s.
So this year, I’m embracing this challenge, and am embarking on a journey of figuring out just how to live the life God wants for me. I have to admit, that when I first thought about accepting this challenge God placed in front of me, I went total Wimpy Christian. I wanted to secretly journal it in my morning notebook, where the words would tell of how much I’m try but fall short, and no one else in the world would know of my failures.
But isn’t that just it? Our world is filled with the hidden, the filtered, the curated, the false image of self….the hypocrisy. We are afraid to reveal our true selves, our true struggles, because “everyone else” is doing just fine, and no one wants to hear otherwise.
But dear reader, dear friend, after a year like this one, we know there’s nothing further from the truth.
This year, you can find me here trying to figure out these things out loud. The highs, the lows, the whispers of the Spirit, my rebellion, my obedience. Perhaps some of my experience will fall in line with what you might be experiencing, or maybe someone you know. The whole reason for me to share this publicly is to let you know that if you are feeling these same things, you are not alone. (And maybe this is a selfish plea to connect with others so that I don’t feel all alone in this journey too.)
So, 2021, here we come. I’m excited for all the revelations, the challenges, and the blessings that come as we step into the wake of the storm.
Love this so much. I am also struggling with the reality behind so many SMART goals I’m setting… I really want to become a better version of me. Worse, despite all evidence to the contrary, I still think trying harder is going to get me there. Maybe one of the great gifts of 2020 is that I don’t have any tryharder left and I can address the idolatry revealed by the fact that I really think I’M the one who started a good work in me and I’LL be faithful to complete it. #nope
Gosh, I’m totally working on identifying my goals vs God’s goals…and somehow aligning them. Then to discern what parts are meant for me to move on and where I’m asked to be still. It might just be what this whole journey of the human experience is all about. Thanks for being on this journey with me! 😊