Growing up in Hawaii, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve dreamt of a white Christmas. Seriously, every time I hear Karen Carpenter sing the first few bars of that classic song, I picture a snow blanketed world, hot cocoa and mini marshmallows in wide mugs, and cozy throws in front of a crackling fireplace. And while I’ve never actually experienced such a Christmas, this wondrous winter scene has accompanied this song, and Christmas altogether, for as long as I can remember. And as I navigate my current season as a wife and mom of three, I realize that many more hopes and dreams have accumulated alongside the one sparked by the Carpenters. Ones sparked by stories – in print as well as on Instagram.
Ah, yes. We can’t quite get through this season without seeing beautiful pictures splashed across the internet. Pictures of fun family traditions, delicious holiday treats, and gorgeously themed Christmas-scapes are hard to avoid – and are equally hard to not compare to your own ordinary life.
We all know that comparison is the thief of joy, and if we have an unhealthy relationship with social media, we could fall into a very unhappy and dark place. But friends, I don’t blame the internet. These feelings of comparison has been around for ages. Some of you might remember the Martha Stewart magazines and Pottery Barn catalogs that would have us all dreaming of such a beautiful living space. (Of course, unless you had mad crafting and designing skills and a virtually unlimited bank account, very few of us could realistically attain such a space.)
Well, if we shouldn’t compare, let’s take a look at the opposing stance: Contentment. Lord knows I’ve been blessed with so much in this life that if I did (ironically) compare my haves and have-nots, my haves would definitely win outright. Some might say that I should be happy with what I have and to enjoy life as it is, not wishing for those things that others have. And while I agree wholeheartedly with this, sometimes this thought can prevent us from discovering new things, moving forward, and it might even prevent us from pursuing a dream that has been put on our heart.
What I think it comes down to is our posture – our attitudes – and what values we hold deep in our hearts. You see, in my 15 years of Christmases as a wife, and 13 years as a mom, I always looked to others to shape what my ideal Christmas should look like.
Take traditions for instance: There should be family traditions starting from birth, that will be meticulously documented each year so that we can see the kids grow through the years. We should read “’Twas the Night Before Christmas” every Christmas Eve. We should do an Advent study as a family. We should go get our Christmas tree the weekend after Thanksgiving. We should visit the needy and partake in community service. We should…. We should…. We should….
After 13 years of comparing my life to others and thinking “we should,” and 13 years of guilt and disappointment because we just didn’t, I began to wonder if perhaps I was wrong all along, and the right posture is contentment.
Could I be content with setting up our pre-lit tree one week before Christmas? Could I be content with a chaotic home filled with half-wrapped gifts, cards that have yet to be mailed, and a flour-dusted kitchen? Could I be content with days filled with sports practices, and day-to-day activities that leave very little time for even a moment to acknowledge the current season? Hmm. This doesn’t sit right with me either.
And then Karen Carpenter finds me through the air waves. I’m dreaming of a white christmas…just like the ones I used to know…. Those winter dreams as a child were lost to all the worries and responsibilities I have now. I’m reminded of that child-like wonder that fully embraced the magical feeling of anticipation in the air.
I wonder….
I wonder if we can remember just what this season was like as a child. The almost electrifying anticipation. The feeling that something wonderful is coming. Somehow in the 13 years of trying to get it just right, I’ve lost that feeling. I’ve lost that child-like heart.
Every now and then I’d get subtle reminders as I catch myself singing along to familiar carols, or as I pass by a festively decorated store window. The magic. The anticipation. The dream. Not the dream of a white christmas, but the dream of a family. The dream of joy. The dream of everlasting life. The dreams that have already come true.
This year, instead of falling into the comparison trap, and subsequently battling the guilt of discontent, I’m going to look at what I do have, and I invite you to do the same. Throughout the month of November, I’ve made it a point to note the things that bring me joy, and the things I am grateful for. For me, time after time, I am thankful for my God and my family. So as we turn to the season of Christmas, I hold them dear in my heart, and dive in with a heart of gratitude and contentment.
This year, I will ask my loved ones what their dreams are for the season. My girls are looking forward to decorating our home, to bring that feeling of anticipation into our safe and sacred space; and my oldest is looking forward to spending quality time with family and friends.
I can see the magical glint of of the season in their eyes, and I know that amidst the presents, the decorated trees, and the legends and stories we will share, it is important for our family to remember the reason for the season: The birth of Jesus – a dream already come true.
So perhaps we will find an Advent wreath, or maybe we will set up a Joshua tree. But if we don’t, it will be okay. We might bake cookies from scratch-a dream of my littlest, or maybe we will buy some from the store after basketball practice. We might read one Christmas book, or we might read ten. We might get to setting up our tree this week, or maybe not until after a few weeks. But should anything not go as planned, or not as it “should be,” I won’t chalk it up as a #momfail or another disappointment, because I refuse for our joy to be stolen from us.
This year, the present is presence, focusing on the now instead of the what could be. Because, friends, if we focus too much on one dream, we might miss out on another that has already come into fruition.
The memories we build will not be based on perfect pictures or hashtag moments, instead they will be built on the relationships we cultivate and the love we share in all of our imperfections.
And if we wait patiently with a heart of gratitude and thanksgiving, we might one day look back and find that our dreams have come true after all.
As someone who grew up with a turbulant childhood, it was important for me to try and cutlivate traditions while my kids were growing up also. We only managed a few : decorate the house on the day/s after Thanksgiving, read a holiday book every day during December (obviously this took time to establish as our holiday library grew), and umm, maybe a regular Christmas eve dinner?
I’m finding that after almost 25 years of marriage, I’m just finally coming into my own with my house, and my life is changing and our holidays are changing and while the past few years have been hard, we are making our own new traditions or routines, and that is okay too.
And I don’t know what a perfect Christmas is, but I think whatever the one that is happening around you, is it.
XOXO